Lost in the confusion of loss

I have been consistent at least in my inability to keep a consistent direction with this blog. But frankly, it’s been a challenging year. I think it’s fair too that if something off topic comes up that rocks my world a bit that doesn’t fit in a tweet or Facebook status, it’s welcome in this space. So…

Found out earlier this week that a former co-worker of mine passed away. He was my age with a wife and 2 toddler girls. I will admit that this was one of those work friends where you don’t hang out outside of the office, but we had friendly hallway conversations, laughed a lot at co-worker style events, and I honestly really liked the guy a lot. I was in CLE about a week or so ago and ran into him. Had a fun & lively conversation about Seattle, his wife, his kids…I’ve had friends who have died. Young. Some closer than others. It is painful.

But this time…this time it was a suicide.

I can’t say I know him well enough to question it. To say “he had so much going for him! What the hell!?” because I was distant enough that I had no sense of what was going on beyond the veneer of casual friendly socializing. I have lost sleep over this and just can’t wrap my head around it. Sickened when I think of his wife (who I also worked with…with whom I also merely had a hallway-chat relationship with) and his little girls.

//huff & heavy sigh//

I have nothing profound to say…no philosophical insight gained, no lessons learned. I just had to say something “out loud”. Shouting into the void. Feeling a little helpless, angry, confused, concerned…

Feeling a lot sad.


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