My Olympic Moment

a.k.a. “Late Night Olympic Brain Fart” – Inspired by Jack & Zoe and the NBC commentators for London 2012 Diving.

Male Commentator (Costas Wannabe):  And now we are set to begin round 2 of the Olympic Couch-Watching finals. This one is for medals.

Female Commentator (Serious, Somewhat Shouting, Southerner):  And as you may know, this is the event with the added complication of cats on laps. The couch-sitter, with one cat in a neutral position at their feet on a coffee table, and another on their lap, must re-cross their legs in the opposite direction, thus altering their lounging position, without disturbing the cats. Points are deducted based on the degree of disturbance, with cat departure resulting in disqualification from the competition.

MC:  OK. Now here we begin, with returning Olympic champion Jennifer Brosius, who as you recall left Beijing with the gold. She has settled onto her couch in a lounged-pike position, legs crossed right-over-left. Her grey cat on her lap, sound asleep, head buried in her hand, and a calico at her feet, chin resting on her big toe.

FC:  Now, it’s important to note that breed selection for each position is critical in competition this year, with the the level of difficulty increasing with the use of a calico at all, and then further should the calico be on your lap. This of course being a result of the devastating incident in Beijing for the Canadian team, whose competitor was the favorite to medal, but was blinded by the claws of an irate calico in the final rounds. Brosius has chosen to use a calico, but place her in the secondary position. Added degree of difficulty for sure, but not the highest.

MC:  Brosius has just grimaced, indicating that her left or bottom knee has begun to ache. She’s ready to make her move. Here she goes, carefully bending the right knee…pointing her toe and sliding it slowly out from under the calico’s nose.

FC: I hear a growl…I believe the calico is growling…this could be critical…

MC: She continues the transition. Great form…such grace, lifting her left foot…both feet off the ground now, moving her thighs slowly, hoping to roll the grey cat rather than jostle him.  Here she goes…his ears have lifted, this could be an indication of disturbance…

FC: She has slid her feet back into position…knees still bent. The calico’s head is up, but her eyes are cloooooossed….and she rests her chin on the other foot!!! What a relief that must be…some argue that’s the hardest part.

MC: The grey cat has risen up! He’s no longer laying down!

FC: This could be a problem. There is definitely a slight deduction there, and if he turns around to settle in the opposite direction that will result in a further deduction that could move her down to silver, or even bronze at this point…but if he settles back in the same place…

MC: He’s settling in! He has NOT turned around…he’s stopping to arch…lowering…lowering…SHOVING HIS NOSE UNDER HER HAND AND IT’S GOOD!

FC: Amazing recovery for Brosius! China and Mexico will have to score at LEAST 8.5’s on their leg shift in order to knock her off the gold platform! China will certainly try…they have a score to settle after she knocked them out of the gold in Beijing, preventing their sweep.

xo
en 

 

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