Dear Loan Applicant:
You pay your bills every month.
You have no bad debt.
Your cars are paid off.
Your credit is so clean I can see myself.
You are utterly suspicious, and cannot be trusted. You must immediately scan and e-mail every piece of paper involving any amount of money on your person, along with a letter co-signed by three nuns, a rabbi and my Aunt Fran for each deposit you have made. And the jar of coins on your dresser….could you please forward a letter detailing the origin of each coin and attach the appropriate supporting documents before 5 p.m.?